Hardship needs no introduction. It’s all around us and mentioned daily on every news outlet and social media platform.
This series of articles is not about hardship. It’s about you.
Our newsletter Weathering the Storm is a source of curated tips and strategies to help you weather the emotional storm. This newsletter is inspired by actual clients* and written by experienced psychologists.
*All client names are fictional and presenting issues are composites of client experiences.
____
Meet Julie*
Julie is up for a big promotion and recently completed the interview to get her dream job. Since completing the process, she’s been refreshing her email constantly to see if she has heard back about the position. She’s angry she isn’t getting a response quickly enough. Every time she thinks about it, she gets upset, and it spoils her mood for the rest of the day.
What if one sentence could help Julie snap out of an irritable or angry state ?
Our recommendation
One of the most powerful methods to snap out of an irritable or angry mood is the Semantic Method.
The spirit behind the Semantic Method is to reshape an angering thought using less upsetting words. To get this done, Julie needs to find the hidden “should” in her thoughts. When angry or irritated, there’s always a “should” thought lurking around in our head.
“Should” is probably the most toxic thought in the English language because when things don’t happen the way they “should”, it by definition leads to disappointment, which easily leads to irritation and anger.
For Julie, a possible “should” thought in this situation would be “I should have heard back from the team about if I got the job already”
Once we’ve identified the ‘’should’’ thought, the second step is to reshape it using different, less upsetting words. Specifically, using this 3 part sentence: (1) It would have been nicer/better/easier if …, (2) but it didn’t happen, (3) and it’s not the end of the world.
For Julie, reformulating her ‘’should’’ thought would look like this : ‘‘It would have been better if I had heard if I got the job by now, but I didn’t, and it’s not the end of the world.”
What’s the benefit of each part of this sentence?
- Part (1) – “It would have been easier/better if….” This helps us acknowledge our wishes. Stating this helps us feel like our preferences are valid, true and important.
- Part (2): “…but they didn’t…” This reminds us to accept reality for what it is. The more we’re able to accept things we cannot change, the easier it is for us to cope with the situation at hand.
- Part (3): “…and it’s not the end of the world”. Stating this helps us bring our situation into perspective. Taking a step back like this helps us feel less irritated or angry, allowing us to focus on what we already have as opposed to what we don’t. Sometimes it’s difficult to get perspective. To help you do so, ask yourself how you would rate the situation you’re in on a scale from zero to 100, zero being not problematic at all and 100 being “the end of the world’’, defined as what you would imagine the “end of the world’’ looking like.
Doing this simple exercise helps relativize things. Who knew 1 sentence could be so powerful ?
So next time you get irritated or angry, why not give the Semantic method a try ?
We welcome you to leave comments as well as questions in the discussion section so we can try to answer some of them in upcoming posts.
____
About us
PsyMontreal is a network of licensed psychologists, psychotherapists and therapists offering psychotherapy services in-person, by phone and via videoconferencing.
To schedule an appointment, contact us at 514-337-2473 ext. 0. We’re available 24/7 to answer your calls.